(a collection of sayings, quotes, phrases, and limericks, not necessarily by me nor condoned by me)


Life should NOT be a journey to the grave, with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather, to skid in sideways at the last minute, champagne or whiskey in one hand, strawberries or cigar in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO - That was Fun!”

Life is too long to settle & short not to have a good time.

Liquor is formaldehyde for the soul

There is no such thing as last call for the PJL

Discretion is my middle name....yeah lack of it must be your first

Qotn: thank god for nipples....with out them tits would have no point can do no wrong because you have no wrong to do

Qotn....i barely know you and already i don't like you

If your careless with something long enough, eventually it breaks....

Living is like tearing through a museum. Not until later do you really start absorbing what you saw, thinking about it, looking it up in a book, and remembering - because you can't take it in all at once.

Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once.
So enjoy spending what it is because it's gone before you know it

I'm not carrying a photo I.D anymore, because everyone knows who I am!

God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Thankfully, right now I am so far behind I will never die.

Believed in love at first sight….but thinks lust is a more appropriate description….

“Clouds may come, but clouds must go, and they all have a silver lining. For behind each cloud you know, the sun, or moon, is shining.

You can have as many friends that money can buy, but ill still hate you for free

Not all relationships are meant to last forever....even when your in love..... some love stories are short stories....but they are love stories all the same <greek>

May your troubles be less and your blessing be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door.
<-Irish Blessing>

Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left? Answer: five. Why? Because there's a difference between deciding & doing.

The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be” - Marcel Pagnol

To be a star you must shine your own light,follow your own path,and not be afraid of the darkness*..That is when stars shine their brightest :-)

Thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak you name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, with which I'll never part. God has you in his keeping, I have you in my heart.

Let the bridges I burn, light the way....

What did the sadist do to the masochist? Nothing.

I know I'm and addicted to concerts when I say "I can't meet you for drinks I'm going to see Justin Bieber tonight"

Don't hate vicariously thru me!

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

"Act the way you'd like to be and soon you'll be the way you act."

the truth is people are going to hurt you. you just have to decide who is worth the pain.

"Where your thoughts are, that is where you are. Try to always be in a good place."

is it better to be the best at something....or good at everything?

do you need any help.....yeah you can help me carry my emotional baggage

you know your on a great date when the girl you are with is playing scrabble on her iphone! hahahah

thank god for cameras....last night was priceless!!!

Hey Seth, how do you we know that blonde over there? "I don't know" (5 minutes later) Ohh I think I have pictures of her and her friend!

so far so good...nice quite night out...i inspired a few jokes, and got to see Emily's "question mark" face!
its close to leah's " I wanna go down face"

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just said it would be worth it."

Everything will work out in the end....if it is not worked out.....its not the end

Don't be afraid to be yourself...Be afraid not to.

If you can't change the people around you, change the people around you.

The true measure of a man, is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good

Everything in moderation, including moderation

"People are like stained glass windows. They glow and sparkle when it's sunny; but when the sun goes down their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within"

she let me duct tape her mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted her to shut up!

You'll NEED someone to love while you're looking for someone TO love

Men always want to be a woman's first love; women like to be a man's last romance

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt

Money can't buy you happiness....but it can buy you champange....who isn't happy drinking champange?

If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself

If a spark plug sparks, and a a muffler muffels, what do pistons do?

ahh Halloween a time when impressionable girls with questionable morals dress as such!
nothing reminds me more of college then the smell of Jello and cheap vodka! Especially on Halloween!!!!

Love is the anwser, but while waiting for the answer, sex brings up some pretty interesting questions!

The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it, If you can't ignore it top it, If you can't top it laugh at it, if you can't laugh at it...
it was probably well deserved

Be good, and if you can't be good at it

Water-ski………Because the earth is 2/3 water.

What Do Most People Do on a Date?
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

has realized, if i dont feel like going out....I probably shouldn't....even if tempted with dancing and debauchery

is sick.....(but thats why you like me)...this time however I mean sick as in has a cold....

"Sex is like a math problem. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and watch us multiply"

Capitalization is the difference between:
"I had to help my Uncle Jack off the horse.." & "I had to help my Uncle jack off the horse..

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after.
- Henry David Thoreau

Freedom is knowing who you really are.
- Linda Thomson

If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.
- Virginia Woolf

Sara could commit adultery at one end and weep for her sins at the other, and enjoy both operations at once.
- Joyce Carey

We can't take any credit for our talents. It's how we use them that counts.
- Madeleine L'Engle

And The Bourbon Sits Inside Me, Right Now I'm A Puppet In Its Sway. And It May Be The Whiskey Talking, But The Whiskey Says I Miss You Every Day."

I'm A Misfit, A Mess, Sarcastic, Overly Passionate, And Out Of My Mind; One Thing I'm Not Is Somebody Else--And I Prefer It That Way."

im a sarcasic hedionist...

You know what we should get married.. Its already a sexless releatioship we can save on taxes

I guess eveyone defines tru love diffentrly

Quote of the cant hit bottom but you can beat the fuck outta the sides
Quote of the night...I want one...what is it?
Quoted of the night....i barely know you and already i dont like you
Quote of the night.dont worry it will only hurt for a min..well maybe not that bad..actually you might not feel it at all..dont worry Quote of the night...via G.R. She needs to be broken in...ya know "sethasized"

I need to go...there is an orgy somewhere that's waiting on my arrival